Getting Help & Advice

Please have a look at the frequently asked questions below. If you cannot find an answer to your question, please contact us for help & advice.

An aupair is a stranger in your home at first and can very easily feel as though she will always be a stranger if you do not try to make her feel welcome. If an aupair needs something or has a problem, small or large, they are often afraid to ask for help  for fear of irritating or disturbing their host family. This is a terrible feeling for anyone far away from home and can result in resentment or mistrust, which may be displayed in their attitude, making things uncomfortable for everyone.

You are the only person that can truly help your aupair. For the first few weeks you will need to ask her every day: How are you doing today? Is there anything you need? Are you having any problems with the children? Tell her you will be happy to help her if she needs anything. Even if your aupair's English is not good enough to have a full conversation, you should take it upon yourself to communicate with her: maybe leave her a short note every day. She will understand that you are there if she needs you and feel much safer and more comfortable. This will make her happier and easier to get along with and thus build a relationship that both of you will feel confident with.

Shortly after her arrival, you should choose one evening to sit down with the children and the aupair, especially if it is a first time for either party, and outline for both children and aupair what is expected. Clarify what is acceptable and unacceptable from both parties, and what should be done in particular situations. You should make it clear to your children that they are to obey their aupair and help her in any way they can.

You should make it very clear to the aupair that if the children misbehave, although she can never spank or physically punish them, she can temporarily withdraw television or park/play privileges, send the child to their room, assign a chore for the child to complete or issue whatever punishment is acceptable to your family. This can last until you arrive home.

If you give your aupair authority to use this kind of discipline, you should be prepared to support her if she does so. This will avoid any hurt feelings on the part of the children or aupair. You should make it very clear to your children and your aupair that you approve of a well-behaved household in your absence.

If the child is very young, of course, they cannot help their aupair and need special attention. You should go over the daily routines, meal plans, educational or extra activities that you expect your aupair to implement with them, and be very specific about it. We recommend that you write out an agenda, appropriate for most eventualities and situations, to be sure that the aupair understands her duties to this child.

If the situation does not improve, you must consider how well she performs her tasks. Are the children happy with her? Is she normally an outgoing and friendly girl towards the family and others? If the answers to these questions are generally positive, do not concern yourselves too much about her inactivity within the family. Everyone, including aupairs, has the right to their own personal time. Perhaps yours likes to make the most of it cuddled up in her bed reading a book, or listening to her favorite cd while relaxing.

Explain to your aupair kindly, that while you consider her to be part of the family and enjoy her company, you would like to have some time alone as you work many hours and do not get to see the children as much as you would like. Explain to her that it is in her best interest to get out and meet new people and learn about a new culture, after all, that's what she came for!

In the event that you lose your job, are laid off, or have had your work hours cut for a long period of time, you should discuss this with your aupair and ask her if she can be flexible during this possibly tough but temporary period for your family. Explain to her that she is a part of the family and you are going through a transitional period that will affect all of you. Tell her you appreciate her willingness to help out in any way she can, rewarding her for her efforts later on.

In the event that she cannot go with you, you can trust your aupair to stay home and house sit for you, or perhaps use her ticket and travel money to fund her a vacation to her home country!

If you can not find an answer to your question, please contact us for help & advice.